i have finally stopped falling for you. our timing was as imperfect as our time together was perfect. i remember that first night you came into my orbit; i was leaving and hesitated because you were like gravity, pulling me in your direction. i came back into that dimly lit bar to ask if i could take your number (lordy, i haven’t done that in a while). my heart raced when i thought of you, and stopped when our lips met. the days easily turned into weeks, spent in bed, spent out together, spent with each other. i learnt so much about you and you opened up parts of myself i didn’t want to show anyone. i fell in love with the depth of your mind, and the breadth of our conversation, and with you. every moment made me crave your company a little more.
we fixed each other’s broken pieces. we fit together. i made you believe in your life again and the joy that an unknown future can hold. you made me glow. through your kindness, you taught me to love myself (thanks for that by the way, probably the best thing any man has ever done for me). we gave each other a piece of our lives for a moment.
i should have known better. you were so clear from the start that this wasn’t going to be anything. i fooled myself into it, we both did a little. a smarter women would have protected her heart. you were the smarter man and protected yours. you knew that you would never give your heart to someone as freely as you had before, because it was broken. and it hurt. and you weren’t ready. i used to think that maybe i would be enough, maybe you would see that i would let you find the pieces of yourself that you lost, and i would be there for you. i should have known better. i understand now that we can’t give each other what we want. i had to let you go when all i wanted was to pull you in closer.
one day, someone will come into your life and the time will be right, or at least more right that it was for us. and you will love her.
i have finally stopped falling for you. i will never stop loving you.