Where does it come from, where does it go? How do you get it, and why do people lose it?

Motivation is a fluid concept that ebs and flows through moments, minutes, days, or weeks. Sometimes it comes easily like rain in the summer. Sometimes it doesn’t happen no matter how hard you try (like that perfect risotto….).

To be perfectly honest, I’m really struggling with my motivations right now. Today was a battle to get out of bed. I sat there for 30 minutes – already late – just arguing with myself about how I could call in sick and work and just stay in bed.

Plot twist: I went to work. I stayed there all day too.

I’ve been experiencing anxiety-fueled nightmares (call me Freud..) about work. I sometimes go the day without even having breakfast or lunch because my stomach won’t stop churning.

But why? On Friday, in our one-on-one my manager questions my motivation to actually succeed here. “Is this what you actually want?” I lied and said yes when I should have said “No, but this is a stepping stone to what I really want, and as long as you allow me to step across to my goals, I will work really hard to get there with this company”.

I don’t see how that answer would have been supported. So I lied and said yes. Who wants an employee that isn’t 100% dedicated to a career with their company?

So now I’m floundering in my own shortcomings and failings to succeed here, at a job that I like but don’t love, pretending to be happy.





One thought on “Motivation

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s