For today’s fun activity, I’m going to hang out on Goop and cry because it’s insane.
I had some thoughts (which you can also tweet along to @ shazman111)
1. How To Dress Like A Celebrity, lesson 1:
Have a basic white tank top.
But not just any old Target/KMart/Pleb brand top for $4.
Make sure it cost more than it does to fuel my car up.
$74. Yes, that should do it.
2. Mmmm yess I love it when my bikini cost more than one of my mortgage payments….
3. Ok so GOOP obviously isn’t aimed at people of my demographic/socioeconomic bracket, but seriously….. that’s not gonna stop me trawling through it and talking about it.
4. I think if I could just find 1 (ONE) thing I would actually spend my hard earned dollarydoos on, I’d be happy.
5. Terry Cloth Shirt. Wait. As in terry cloth? The stuff I use to wipe down my car after I wash it? (ok, I did that once, 4 years ago, but I DID use a terrycloth)
Celebrity Tip: For $350, you shouldn’t be wiping your car down with this.
“Odds are, this puff-sleeve pullover—done in a plush terry cloth fabric—is unlike anything you already own”
6. HAHAHA YES GOOP YOU ARE CORRECT. At least, not in my wardrobe. Maybe in my spare rags bag???
7. Now, I think if I had the responsibility to name things, I would NOT have gone with the “Blue Belt” for this red suede belt.
For $690, you too, could have a misnamed accessory.
8. “Honey, can you grab my Blue Belt? It’s the red one!”
9. Guys, I’ve gotten to the bikini section of their clothing. I’m loosing faith in humanity with the terrible photoshop on their models.
10. You know how you look at apartments online that have virtual furniture put it to give you a “feel” for the space? Yes, this is Goop models.
11. Like, IDK leg looks weird, right?
12. Goop Says: so much more than a standard tee.
I ask: Will you do my taxes too????
13. But for $125 it goes with everything, tucked in or loose & relaxed, just like my 2 for $20 tee’s from Cotton On.
14. I actually don’t care for the jacket, but this silver slip underneath??? Give it to meeeeeeeeeeee
15. Ok I’ve been through all of the clothing list, and I think the thing I would buy is that metallic slip (WHICH I COULDN’T EVEN FIND FOR SALE). But I’d probably source it from somewhere else that won’t cost me my firstborn.
16. And, by far, the most insane thing is this… thing.
Seriously, it bugs me that the stripes don’t even match up on the front.
Sorry, Gwnny #goops
Next up is the rest of their online store, I’m thinking makeup. Check it out on twitter if you’re a little bit bored and already read everything on Buzzfeed today.